I am not sure if this will actually help, but I do find it humorous. My brother called Mom today and told her that the social worker that has my brothers case would like to arrange a meeting with my brother and her and asked my brother if he would agree to that. Now apparently this has happened in the past because when my mother said that she would agree to it, my brother told her that the only way that he would do it is if she didn't, "lie like she did the last time". I talked with mom about this and she said that she simply stated the facts about my brothers behavior when he was living with my mother for three years. I can't say that this case worker will actually be of any help, but in a way it is comforting to know that there is an outside agent that is doing some kind of assessment on my brothers case. What good will come of it? I have no idea, but anything can happen. However, I am concerned. My brother has shut me out, and according to what one of the nurses "told" (let me explain here, the nurse did not actually "tell" my mother anything, it was just strongly "suggested") my mother is that my brother is refusing all of his medications. I don't know how many seizures he has been having, he already had to take a trip to the ER as a result of one, but I would imagine without his epilepsy meds, he is having them fairly frequently.
I am concerned however because I was called by a doctor working under another doctor this morning asking me some rather strange questions, for instance, "why did you move here to live with your brother from Phoenix?". Truth be told, I suspect strongly that my brother is maybe telling health professionals things that are not true. Funny thing is that my sister always told me my brother was a pretty manipulative person, and I always wrote it off because my experience with my brother (mind you separated by over 1,000 miles via phone) is that he has been fairly honest at least as honest as a delusional schizophrenic can be I suppose. I just never really had my brother pegged as a very highly manipulative person. However, after living with him, things are now coming back to me, annoying conversations with my brother over the phone with endless belly aching from him about my sister. He would go on and on telling me how controlling she is, how she tries to get into your head and find weakness, and how she plays people off one another. In fact, his calling me to solely talk about this became such an issue that I would have to rather harshly at times cut him off to remind him that he has already enlightened me to how "horrible a person my sister is". So many times I was just so sick of hearing about my brothers issues with my sister that all together I would just ignore his calls entirely. He also felt quite frequently that he needed to educate me on my own mothers behavior, however he had always been rather cautious with what he has said to me in the past because I am a mommas boy and I would not have my brother badmouthing to me about my own mother. Further conversations with my sister revealed that while he lived with my sister and mother (they are spinsters I am convinced of it lol) that he placed a pretty valiant effort into using my mother as a means of creating problems with my sister via gossip, tattle telling, etc. Either way, in my own experience, my brother has a bizarre competitive streak that can be rather ruthless. He doesn't seem to really understand boundaries, nor does he seem to understand when something has gone too far. I worry about this because my brother has had violent outbursts in the past, one in particular I remember when I was probably about 14 years old, maybe 15, where he came to the house my mother and I stayed at, and he was in a rage. He backed my mother into a corner and she sank down to the floor with him over her yelling at her. No. Screaming at her, "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP ME DOWN!!!". He stood above her with his fist raised to her not as if he was going to punch her, but more like he was trying not to punch her. The truth of the matter is that has always bothered me greatly. I would relate that as one of the top few really traumatic events of my childhood. That was probably when I began to become terrified of my brother as a young adult, and contributed to why I ran away from him and distanced myself from him. Now what is really interesting about this was a conversation I had with my brother about maybe 5, maybe 6 weeks ago. We were having a conversation about his schizophrenia. He had asked me again (he asked me a first time but that is another blog entry) if I thought he was schizophrenic. I told him that I didn't think all of his behavior was "normal", and I asked him this question to try to demonstrate that point and this was how the conversation went.
Me: Do you remember when you cornered mom and raised your fist at her?
Brother: No I don't.
Me: I find that hard to believe, you have no memory of that at all?
Brother: Do you remember that?
Me: Yes, very clearly.
Brother: I wasn't going to hit her really.
Me: So you do remember that?
Brother: Maybe a little but that was a long time ago so we won't discuss that.
Me: Actually, I think it is very important to discuss that. I need to know why you did that. Do you think that it was an acceptable thing to do?
Brother: I wasn't going to hit her, I was just trying to scare her.
Me: Really? Scare her? So why were you trying to scare her? What were you so upset about that would have you back your mother against a wall and raise your fist to her?
Brother: That's not really important. I wasn't going to hit her, and anyways, and I wasn't angry at all. I don't get angry. I never get angry. I am a pretty easy going person, I never get angry.
Me: That's not how I remember that. I remember very clearly that you were yelling at her "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HOLD ME DOWN!"
Brother: Now, I never yelled at her, and I didn't hit her.
Me: I know you didn't hit her because if you did I would have grabbed the shovel out of the back yard. And yes you did yell at her. You were furious. But you honestly don't think any of this is really a big deal?
Brother: No I don't.
Me: Dude, you had your mother backed against the corner, sank down on the floor begging you not to hit her. She begged you not to hit her, and you don't think that was a big deal?
Brother: I know how people are, and when they want to make a point, they just use their hands and sometimes waive them in the air to show someone that they are serious about what you have to say to them.
Me: No brother, you didn't "waive your hands in the air" you had your fist balled up. Dude, people do not raise their fist like that to make a point, especially to their own mother! You had your fists in her face dude. You were screaming at her. She was crying and begging you not to hit her, and you don't think that this is any big deal? You think that this is how you get a message across to someone? You think this is an acceptable way to treat your mother? Yeah mom has made me mad as hell, but never, and I mean never did I think for one solitary moment that it would be OK to push her into a corner, lord over her with my fist in her face and yell at her, ever...
Brother: Now, it really wasn't that big of a deal, she got over it.
Me: Brother, what I am trying to tell you is that people do not do this. The only people who do these kinds of things are people who have a serious problem and I believe that at that time you had a very serious problem.
What troubles me about this conversation, if it isn't obvious, is that there was not one once of remorse. No indication what so ever that there was any shame or guilt about what he did. He was simply "over" it and why shouldn't mom be "over" it? Who knows, maybe his guilt has manifested as denial. I am not a psychologist and I am not trained in these things, but what does it matter? As far as I am concerned it clearly establishes that there is a profound problem linking his schizophrenia with anger, inability to control his anger, what actions that anger can lead him to and his inability to take responsibility for his actions. Now earlier I mentioned that he is extremely competitive. I won't lie, when the doctor called me and asked me why I moved here from Phoenix, I found that a rather curious question and frankly I can't help but wonder what he may be telling his doctors in the hospital. Would my brother tell them that I have been abusing him? Would he really stoop to that level? At this point, as he is unmedicated, as he is delusional, would he have an ax to grind against me as I was the one to signed the affidavit? I have no idea, but here is the really crazy part of dealing with insanity, the rules by which apply to the majority of the population simply do not apply when it comes to people who are delusional, unmedicated, and extremely paranoid.
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