My brother is still in the hospital. I have been talking to his doctor, and his social worker, but unless someone has guardianship over him, there really isn't anything I, nor they can do. However, I am enemy number one to my brother right now, and he has it in his head that what ever this journey him and I started together with me living with him, he wants it to end. He called me this morning and asked me what "home" I am in. I told him that I was here at the apartment and he asked me if everything is OK with the apartment. Now, the reason he is asking me this is because he is worried that I will trash or destroy his apartment while he is in the hospital. I assured him that his apartment was fine and that all his things are exactly as he left them. I also suspect that he thinks that I have brought my mother and sister here as well. I say this because yesterday morning my brother called my sister and asked her the same question, "What home are you in". After talking with my sister about their conversation, he apparently thought that my sister was in his apartment. I guess this is what I was saying in my rant, my brother is thinking about his apartment situation, but a simple thought, what to most of us is a fleeting irrational thought, and we treat it as such, an irrational thought for my brother takes seed in his mind so easily. My brother may think in passing, "hmm, I wonder if my little brother (me) has given access to the apartment to my sister." Usually for most of us, a thought like that may flash through our minds but most of us know the day to day demands of people, they have jobs, they have lives of their own, they have their own friends and outside interests. The reality is that most people just do not have the time or energy it requires to... do what? To reek havoc on the lives of other people? To schedule in getting off work, stopping by a friends house and saying hello, go to the grocery store, do laundry, pick up the house or apartment, feed the cat, walk the dog, make dinner, and still somehow find the time and energy to trash my brothers place while he is gone? I guess that is what I was saying in my rant as well, my brother doesn't see the bigger picture. He doesn't see that people on the average just do not have the time, or energy let alone have it in them to play the evil little impish games that he imagines people are playing with him. My sister for instance. He accused her of trying to take over his apartment and run his apartment. More poignantly, to take over his life and run his life. My sister has many problems and I will not deny that my sister can be a mess at times, however, what benefit does she gain from taking on the added responsibility of my brothers life? None. My brother's life is so chaotic, who would want that responsibility? It would be like inheriting a burned up shell of a house, horaaay! you have a completely useless piece of real estate... The fact of the matter is this. My brother has nothing to offer that is worth the effort. Nothing. At least nothing special that any one else seems to have, a room, a bed, a couch, some cooking items in the fridge, pots, pans, knife set, a t.v., a couch, a couple chairs, so please brother, tell me, what exactly would all the work and effort gain anyone? What do you have that is worth all the damn work? However, this is the mind of a schizophrenic, it doesn't abide by rules of logic, it just does what it will, catches the coattails of a tangent, milks it dry, then moves on to the next tangent. Except for the daily business of human existence, shit, shower, shave, eat, sleep, etc. my brother has no life to speak of. No friends, a family that is really for all intents and purposes that useless burn out shell of a home, not even an associate, unless you consider his doctors to be those "associates". Really beyond that, my brother has nothing except me. And I am slipping through his fingers because of this stupid illness.
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